I have a confession to make… at the end of last year, I lost faith. Faith in the Universe, and worse, faith in myself. I was very low in energy due to low iron and B12, a big dose of ‘Meaniepause’ (see previous blog) and had been teaching up to 14 group fitness classes per week, which meant working beginning and end of most days, and I was working seven days a week. I was absolutely buggered. It was all I could do to get my sorry arse out of bed some days I was so tired and disillusioned.
My intent for almost six months has been to start up a weekly women’s group, and I’m extremely passionate, motivated and dedicated to the cause. My issue was locating a suitable venue. I wanted to find something local so that I would attract the women I already work with who have responded enthusiastically about my idea. I also had to find a place that had the right ‘vibe’. I didn’t want a hall that had folding chairs stacked in one corner, boxing bags in another and piles of ratty old cushions in the other.
So, there it was, December 2015, phone calls, emails, contact forms, too much time searching the web, and with my intent to commence in February 2016 looking about as possible as me being able so successfully pee standing up (think no dribble on legs or shoes), I felt pretty shit to be honest with you. I was exhausted, sore, not sleeping well because of that bitch ‘Meaniepause’ and felt like I was watching my dreams go down the toilet. Man, it sucked testicles. Seriously. I felt depressed and miserable. Between fluctuating hormones and feeling so miserable, I was constantly on the verge of tears. I became self-absorbed and starting to feel sorry for myself. I couldn’t see my passion coming to light, despite it feeling so right. I felt like I had created this wonderful, exciting idea and it was being stolen from me, right in front of my very own eyes!
I started doubting myself and my ability to make my dreams work for me. I was putting myself down verbally, and I hadn’t done that for probably about ten months (still having the thoughts, but not putting voice to them, had actually been working on saying the opposite in fact).
Clearly something needed to change, or serious shit was about to go down. I’ve had depression before, and I was recognising some of the signs and didn’t want to go there again. I have so much to be grateful for. My life is great! I live in a beautiful part of the country. I own my car. I have a very nice roof over my head. I eat great food. I have a loving, supportive partner. My adult kids are healthy and happy. I have a beautiful tribe of loving and supportive soul sistas. Jesus Christ Rosa, pull your head out of your arse and look around you!
So I decided that the two weeks over Christmas and New Year were going to be quiet, relaxed and nurturing. Quality time with my partner and daughter. Lots of chilling on the couch. Social media. Reading. Swimming. Beach walks. Delicious food (I ate whatever I felt like). Catch up with friends. No rushing. No time limits. No bed time. No alarms. Just whatever my body and mind said it wanted. I didn’t stress about finding a suitable space. I decided that when I went back to work I would hit the ground running, so I wrote a ‘To Do’ list and got through it by lunch time on the 4th of January 2016.
By 11am on the 5th January 2016, I had secured a place – YAY!! WOO BLOODY HOO! It’s a delightful dance studio just a mere ten minute bike ride from home and just around the corner from one of my favourite cafes!
Now the marketing and advertising begins and I’m buzzing with ideas and things I want to do.
Things learnt from this experience :
- Don’t let myself get that run down ever again
- Don’t take on too many Group Fitness classes
- Take the time to fill my own cup (ie. take my own advice, DERRR!)
- Be kind to myself
- Have faith that everything will work out when it’s meant to. Obviously I hadn’t found anywhere because I didn’t have the energy to do the project justice.
- Be grateful and count my blessings
So here’s to “Wholehearted Women” and what it will bring me, not only professionally, but what it will bring both me and lots of beautiful women personally.