I don’t know about you, but years ago I used to love keeping busy, mainly because it meant I didn’t have much down-time to think about my ‘stuff’. You know the ‘stuff’ – how shitty my life was as a single parent, money worries, job worries, relationship worries. You get the drift. It was easier to be a victim to all of these things that were being done to me, and keep busy. Not only did being busy keep my mind preoccupied, I thought it sounded like I had a sense of purpose and social acceptance to be going here and doing this, having visitors over for a meal, going out with this friend, helping that friend, taking the kids to activities and having their friends over to play .

Then I started to wake up and realise that I was hiding behind my busyness. I was muting my inner thoughts, my true self. I didn’t want to look at all those things that were being done to me and work out a way to change my situation. It was so much easier to be a victim of circumstance and blame everyone/thing else.

First came the self-awareness, and with that came some pretty bloody hard reality checks. Like a slap in the face with a wet fish. Oh. My. God! I’m doing this to myself! I’d been selfish and self-absorbed. It wasn’t completely his  fault that the relationship didn’t work out? What do you mean I just have to change my perception and way of thinking? Oh. My. God! I’m a terrible person!

*Insert breath here*

And so it began. It was tough, facing the mirror and taking a good long hard look at myself. There was so much shame and guilt attached to who I’d been, who I was. Then the self-pitying kicked in. That was fun – NOT! Feeling sorry for myself and bemoaning what a terrible mother, friend, girlfriend, wife I’d been.

From there I started working on my self-esteem. This was/is tough. I’ve still got a long way to go. But my thought processes are different now, so when I do start getting down on myself and begin negative self-talk, I recognise and immediately reverse it. I’m aware that I’m self-sabotaging and doubly aware that it’s not going to help anyone, let alone me.

Yet, I still remained busy. Because, isn’t that what successful people are? Busy? Working, friending, familying, gyming, socialising, self-developing. So, now I was busy doing lots of stuff because I thought that was what successful, productive members of society do, but I was fitting in self-development stuff to my repertoire of busyness which makes it alright. Doesn’t it?

Let’s fast-forward a few years. Fatigue. Lethargy. Exhaustion. Introverting (yes, you heard right. I was introverting!). With self-development, comes self-awareness and recognising that something isn’t working for me. It was back to the drawing board to work out why I was struggling so much with life, despite the fact that I was/am very grateful for my life and feel blessed for all that I have.

Ah ha! I was depleting my cup and only adding tiny little bits to it here and there, not enough to keep me fulfilled.

A little tweak here, a little tweak there. Not saying yes to everything I got invited to unless I REALLY wanted to go or thought meant a lot to a friend/family member for me to be there. Listening to my body and if I was/am tired, knocking back extra classes or pulling out of social events. Not working in jobs that give me nothing in return. And most importantly, down time. Time to meditate. Time to yoga. Time to sit quietly and read. Yes, even time on the old Social Media. A walk on the beach. ME time!

I believe health and wellness incorporates so much more than just eating whole real foods and moving our bodies. We also need to nurture our souls in ways that resonate with us and fill our cups so that we can continue to lovingly pour into the cups of our children, partners, family, friends, colleagues and employers.