Hello readers, I’m writing to you from my little retreat in the beautiful Tally Valley.

I’m not going to write about ephiphanies I’ve had nor crossroads I’ve encountered during my withdrawal from daily life. I haven’t come up with any ground-breaking ideas for my future. In fact, writing this blog post is the most strenuous brain activity for me since I arrived on Monday afternoon.

As you all know, I’m going through Meaniepause and Adrenal Fatigue, and recently, I’ve been diagnosed with early stage Autoimmune disease, possibly rheumatoid arthritis. Despite the fact that I exercise regularly, eat a mainly plant-based diet, practice yoga and meditate, physically, I feel like shit. My research and knowledge tells me that after years of being stressed and suffering anxiety, it’s taking its toll on my body.

I have a job that’s quite demanding energy-wise. It’s up to me to motivate, inspire and encourage sometimes up to 60 people in a class. I teach 10 classes a week and run a Relaxation Group, as well as do 20 hours a week of admin, and with my low energy levels of late, it takes every ounce of energy left in my body to get through these classes.

When I get home from work, I then need to be present for my family. Afterall, they deserve the best of me and man, to be honest, it can be so bloody hard just to sit and share a meal with them sometimes. I’m buggered. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I just want to sit upstairs in my room by myself. Maybe practice a little yoga, some meditation and then just zone out on some mindless TV. It’s usually at these times that my neighbour’s very small children start crying or screeching, and it sounds like it’s happening right inside my house. It’s extremely loud and intrusive.

My passion, what makes my heart beat – working as a Health and Wellness Coach, has had to take a back seat. I can barely get through what I have to, let alone spending spare time ‘hussling’. And for God’s sake, why are we glorifying being busy anyway? We live in a crazy, busy World full of expectations and demands. A World that’s creating a species wracked with anxiety, where women struggle with their femininity and humans have lost the ability and desire to ‘just be’. I want to live in a World where we’re all encouraged and celebrated for being the best person that we can, where our individuality and uniqueness is honoured and we feel comfortable to stop, be still and breathe.

Further research and Googling led me to Retreats, but hey, let’s get realisitc, those babies are damned expensive and whilst I agree that you can’t put a price on your health, I found it difficult to find one that wasn’t full of activities, processes, mealtimes and sessions, etc. Not to mention I’d have to share a room and/or a bathroom with a stranger – the idea of that causes me anxiety, which defeats the whole purpose of going on a retreat. My bowels suffer stage-fright at the best of times, let alone sharing a bathroom with a stranger!

My life is about being at work on time to teach classes, take Personal Training sessions, cook dinner for the family – it’s all about scheduling and calendars and diaries (this is where anxiety actually makes me good at my job and at running a house). On observation, what I love about days off is not having to get up with an alarm, and not having to go to bed early, so I thought spending time on my own without having to consider others would be the best kind of ‘retreat’ for me.

Back to the computer for me and several hours searching for the ‘perfect’ Air BnB. Readers, I’ve never gone away on my own before – you might think that’s strange for a 52 year old woman, but I’ve never really lived on my own. There’s always been people around – boyfriends, husbands, kids, family friends. I’ve never travelled on my own. I’ve always believed that being on my own meant I was unworthy. I’ve never had the courage to live by myself. It’s taken all these years, but I’ve finally discovered that I might actually enjoy not having to socialise, compromise and be present ALL OF THE TIME.

My retreat had to be perfect. It needed to be in the bush, self-contained, quiet and not too far away from home, in case I got scared or the anxiety got too much. You should’ve seen the bloody anxiety I had trying to find the ‘perfect’ place – man, I’m my own worst enemy! I found a great little gem in Tally Valley, the only thing missing is a bath, but these were hard to find in Air BnB’s and I got everything else I needed in this quiet little space.

I’ve now been in my beautiful little bungalow two nights, and the days have just flown. There’s so much I want to do while I’m on my own. I’ve been colouring, reading in the hammock, watching stuff on Netflix and Stan, doing yoga, meditating, and spent all of yesterday afternoon tidying up my two email accounts. I actually feel like I’m going to run out of time to do nothing! I love eating and going to bed when I feel like it. I love that’s there’s only a little bit of cleaning up to do and can just do it as I go.

I’m not trying to ‘find’ or ‘reinvent’ my Self. I’m just resting. Resting from life, people, commitments and schedules.

I’m hangin’ out in trackie pants, socks and baggy t’s with no bra and not doing my hair. I go for a 30 minute walk every day and whilst I’m not eating as well as I do in my day-to-day life, I’ve brought tasty home-cooked meals and snacks from home.

Tomorrow it’s off for a visit to The Greenhouse Bathhouse for a massage and 90 minute soak session and then Friday morning I check out of my haven and back into reality.

I’m not naive in thinking I’ll be revitalised and renewed. I do believe however, that my adrenal glands will have had a long-overdue break and I’ll feel better equipped to deal with noisy neighbours, work demands and getting my health back on track.

What I have got out of this little escape is that I need to spend more time in Nature and by myself. I think scheduling self-love practices every day, and time away on my own regularly will help keep the anxiety levels down and give my body a break from ‘fight or flight’ mode. In the new year, we’ll look at moving a little further out from the Coast so we have more trees and space around us.

Let’s face it, we can’t run away from our lives, no matter how bloody appealing the thought is. We can’t just take off and live in a shack in the bush. To cope with the yang world of rushing and expectation, we need to learn to let go, find balance and a way to connect with ourselves. For me, yoga, meditation and being in Nature does this and I wish that this could be my life, but it isn’t, and it can’t, so I need to make time every day to do one or more of these things that help to soothe my soul.